A Really Hard Day

Today is a really hard day.

I have realized the gravity of my situation.

I have two children that I can't provide for.

I am the only person they have to depend on and I can't provide for them.

I keep receiving rejection emails for jobs I have applied for all over the country. I have literally applied for jobs from California to Florida, Minnesota and places in between.

I loss my home, my clothes, my furnishings and every thing I worked so hard for.

Sadly, I can't even cry about the loss because crying indicates weakness and is not going to change the past or help my present.

I have made so many bad decisions that I have no one to blame but myself. But the most hurtful part is that I have two children that I can't provide for. I feel lower than low to know that I have no way of giving them the most basic things they need.

I know things will get better. I know that I have to trust God. I know that change will come and whatever other positive cliche people will say to me. But right now, I really need for it to get better today. I really need some positive news that will help me make it through the day. I really need for this situation to turn around.

But then I think I am so self-centered. Katrina victims are still displaced, citizens of Myanmar are homeless, my cousin's friend is 4 months pregnant and has to carry a child to term who will not live beyond birth, and gas prices are nearly $4.00 a gallon. In comparison, my situation is a cake walk.

When it all comes together, it will be a testimony for others of God's faithfulness. I just have to make it through today. Tomorrow will be better.