A man's pride will bring him low but the humble in spirit will retain honor. Proverbs 29:23
Since posting A Fall From Grace, I have been thinking a lot about the power of pride. Pride is a very powerful thing and I have been meditating on the two verses above to be sure to not allow myself to ever get that prideful again.
In June 2006, I had only been a mother for three months and my old selfishness was still prevalent. I understood, in theory, the concept of sacrificing or working jobs that you really didn't want to for your children, but I didn't have any practical application. You know the story that I have been unable to secure gainful employment since that time but I no longer count that as a bad thing. I have a friend who had many challenges when her son was younger and she often spoke of how she wouldn't change any of the times they spent together because it made her a stronger woman. I completely agree with her.
My children give me the strength to continue to run this race. There are days when I reflect on the fact that I was good at and enjoyed my job. Yet, I refuse to regret the road that brought me to this place. The smiling faces, boisterous laughs, gentle quiet breaths, of those blessings from God are the highlight of my life. I joke about swinging on a pole or selling snow cones on the freeway in the middle of August in Phoenix to support them but in reality, they are the reason my faith in God has grown.
For the past ten months, I have lived like an Israelite. I LITERALLY had to believe God for EVERY SINGLE THING the kids and I needed. I am not joking. (Either it was believing for money to buy the item or for the item itself. But I count that as positive.) Even though the Israelites complained constantly, God blessed them over and over and over again. Not only did he release them from Egypt, they were rich, healed, clothed, and fed. God parted a sea for them to cross on dry land, closed up Pharaoh and his army in the sea, rained manna and quail out the sky, provided water from a rock in the wilderness, and defeated the enemies that came against them. While that generation, save Joshua and Caleb (see Numbers 13 and 14), didn't enter the promised land~that's their bad. I know that God will reward my faithfulness. I know that He will honor the sacrifices I made for my children. And I know that I am headed to the promise land of my life.
Had I never experienced destruction from my pride, I wouldn't be at the place of humility today. Parenthood really humbles you. There are decisions I made when NyCee was Ty's age, that I would not DARE make today. All I can write is thank God for maturity and growth.
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