A Fall From Grace

This entry is hard for me to write but I must do so as I am compelled by God to tell this story. The story of my journey is not for me but for someone else. God receives the glory for His faithfulness is unmatched.

Two years ago this month, I, in a hasty and cocky manner, quit my job. That was the beginning my fall. Since that time, I have been unable to secure gainful employment with the salary that I once made. I begin to wonder why? It’s not the economy or the positions would not be posted on company websites. Friends and family members have secured awesome jobs. There was a reason why.

Reflecting on my time with my previous employer has brought me to a place of humility because there were so many people in my life who saw the potential in me that I could not see. There were people whom I hurt with my actions and words. I have since apologized to them but words are a powerful force. Once they leave your lips, you can not take them back. King Solomon said, “Death and life are in the power of the tongue and those who love it will eat its fruit” Proverbs 18:21. My words brought me to where I am today.

In just two short years, I lost my home, my credit, my dignity, my pride, my furnishings, and clothing. These losses became a good thing because my ego was a little too big and I needed to be brought back to reality.

For the past ten months, I had to live in my parent’s home in the frozen tundra of Michigan. I left Michigan nearly 10 years ago but because I had no where else to go, they took us in. Their home was invaded with blinky-blink toys, Dora the Explorer episodes, wooden blocks, counting piggy banks, crayons and more. Yet, they never complained. I was so embarrassed to have to move back into my parent’s house after so many years of being on my own. I now recognize that was the best thing that I could have ever done.

Being in Michigan, I was led to a church that embraced NyCee, Ty and me with open arms. Cross Current Church was a place where I sought help to become an emotionally healthy person. These past few months have been the hardest journey of my life. But I would not change any of the roads I have traveled. To do so, would modify my path and I wouldn’t be where I am today. There were nights when I would cry myself to sleep after NyCee was in bed because I didn’t want to upset her. Why the tears? I went from a place where I could spend $300 on a purse and not blink to where I didn’t have $3.00 to buy her a kids’ meal. Yet, God always provided everything we needed.

This journey was more about me losing myself and my pride to gain humility and be humbled. God knew that no matter how embarrassing I would tell this story so that some other woman would be encouraged. God knew that although I cried at night, I would wake up in the morning, wash my face and take on the challenges of that day. God knew that I would never give up on Him regardless of what obstacles I faced. Friends and family often comment about my ability to juggle school and my children. It is God who gives me the strength to complete this journey. My children have no one else in this world to depend on but me. I know that completing my education helps to ensure their future.

My loss is God’s gain. He has gained the glory, honor and praise that He is due. I am proud that God allowed me to walk this path, to be a testimony for others, to share this story of His faithfulness and love. In just a few days, we leave MI to begin another part of life’s journey.

Friends,
The one thing I have learned is to appreciate everyday. Take things one day at a time. Jesus prayed, “Give us this day our daily bread.” God will give you the tools you need to make it through each day. Reflect on God’s mercy and accept His loving kindness every day. Be humble, yet strong. And always remember, no matter how dark the day, God always makes a way. A had to finish writing this chapter of my life so that the next one could begin. Today, I am a happier, healthier person. My future is bright and am I looking forward to embracing it with my children.

Thank you for all the prayers, encouraging phone calls, and emails. Please continue to pray for me. The best is yet to come……